the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
