so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
