i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
