just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
