Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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