it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
