So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
