Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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