i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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