they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
