Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
