So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
