Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it hurts more in the daytime
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
