tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
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There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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