You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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