omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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