Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
