she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
