i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
