my phone needs a breathalizer
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Fuck appropriateness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize