My balls are so social today.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
