Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
this is an emotional support booty call
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
