my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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