the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
