K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
