Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
