For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
