I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
