If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
