why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
