Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
