he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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