Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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