im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
