Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
