I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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