Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
