The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm getting married
To pizza
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
