If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
