Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
