im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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