Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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