just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
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The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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