Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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