Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
