So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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