I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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