I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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