Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
