On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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