i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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