Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
