so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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