Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
there was a trapeze. enough said
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
