bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
