Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
