we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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