matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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