We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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