jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
