Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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