i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
