Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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