Even the bartender felt bad for me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
