Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
