he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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