Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
