Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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