i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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