I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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