I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
