i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize