You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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