Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
