it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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