I want to walk on stilts...naked
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
