We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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